Gone too long.

How do I even start writing when it's been over a year? I just spent the last twenty minutes reading through old posts and I want to cry. I can't believe I completely stopped writing. I think of the thousands of memories, pictures, events, and stories that could have been written about so we would always remember. Thankfully many of those memories will always be in my heart - but I realized how important it is to be able to look back.

I am almost thirty-three. Eric isn't far behind. Jackson will be NINE in February. Charlie will be five next month. Life is seriously flying by and I want to remember these moments.

I'm back. For real this time.

Hot fun in the summertime

So clearly I have failed my goal of writing one post a week seeing as it's been a month since my last one. Whoops. Oh well, back at it!

It's hard to believe that summer is in full force. The 4th of July has already come and gone and I can already tell this month is going to fly by and we'll be staring August in the eye before we know it. They're already advertising Back to School supply sales! Umm, didn't school just end? I guess it's like seeing fully decorated Christmas trees next to the pumpkins in October. They just can't wait to start moving onto the next holiday.

We have definitely had a busy summer so far! We started with sending our boy to his first time at summer camp. He enjoyed three nights and days at Camp Spalding and he had such an amazing experience. It was clearly harder on me than him considering he gave me a quick hug and sent me out of the cabin so he could be "on his own." He had a great counselor named TJ who he hasn't stopped talking about since. His favorite cousin Ella was also there so they got to enjoy that time together!

Following summer camp, we got to enjoy another full week with my dear sister-in-law and two nieces while my nephew, Jaeden, had his week at Camp Spalding. Charlie and Scarlett are only two months apart, so we definitely have some adventures with those two. Lots of fighting and loving within minutes!

A couple days ago, I came down with a nasty summer cold. I don't know what it is about colds in the summer, but they are so much worse than in the winter. It started with a sore throat and headache, which then turned into a bad cough, which then turned into having barely a voice. Thankfully it has been tolerable so I have still been able to function, but I'm ready to feel like myself again! This also came on the few days that Eric had to work the super early shift so I had to find ways to keep these crazy boys entertained. I ended up at this amazing little park that is literally four blocks away from our house. It was just built last year and I cannot believe I hadn't been to it before yesterday! It was fantastic! The boys played in the water for hours and I just loved watching them enjoy the beautiful sunshine. 

Have I mentioned I absolutely love summer?

Turning a house into a home

We have lived in our house for a little over eight years. This is something that is very hard for me to believe - how has eight years gone by that quickly. I remember the day I received the phone call from our real estate agent informing us that we were the official owners of our new house. I remember waiting excitedly for Eric to get home from work so I could video tape his reaction when I told him we got the house. I remember the rainy day in April when we packed up the moving truck and moved all of our things in. We moved into this house just four months after we got married. We then proceeded to build our family in this house. Eight years later, we have two beautiful boys, a lovely dog, and more memories than I can possibly count.

Now this is the embarrassing and ridiculous part to admit. Eight years we have been here and today was the day I finally got some things put up onto our walls. Yes, you read that correctly. The walls in our living room have been completely bare from day one. Why? Well, lets just say that I have a small case of OCD when it comes to getting things just right. Every time I started thinking about finding things to put on the walls, I would get overwhelmed and then absolutely nothing would happen. My mom finally said something to me that made total sense - "You're not marrying the art work." I can change it if I decide I don't like it!

We got three beautiful pieces hung in the living room today and I am beyond thrilled with the result. You see, we really have been putting a lot of work into our house over the last year or so. We replaced the floors last year and that kind of got things in motion. We followed with new living room furniture and rugs for both living room and family room. Pretty funny that it's taken me eight years to start turning our house into a home....

The living room before - disgusting doggy stains and all.

After - still a work in progress!

Family room before

After

New artwork in the dining room!

Needless to say, I am very happy with how far we have come with the house. We plan on being here for at least another two or three years, so I plan on continuing the transformation. The work is far from over. I am so grateful for my incredible mom and dad who have helped me in so many ways. My dad's handy work is something I will never be able to repay him for. And my mom's great eye and nesting instinct - what would I do without her?

We've been in this home for almost a decade and I am just now truly falling in love with it.

The joy of a thunderstorm

Can you remember the excitement of a good old fashioned thunderstorm when you were a kid? Let me tell you - I have an up close and personal reminder in my son. This boy has the greatest fascination with all things weather, especially thunderstorms. He absolutely has to check my phone's weather app every morning upon waking up to find out the forecast for the day and the week ahead. I wish I could explain through words the excitement in his voice when he sees that tiny little lightening bolt on one of the days. It's absolutely hilarious and brings a smile to my face. The inner joy and delight from such a simple thing as the chance of a thunderstorm.

And when the dark clouds actually start rolling in and it begins to rain? It's literally a party in this house! Next thing I know, I'm going to catch him out in the backyard performing a rain dance...

Who needs TV when you have a thunderstorm to watch through the window?

How to cope with "Mommy Guilt"

I'll cut right to the chase - today has been a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. I really don't know what has been going on with Jackson today, but it's like he's a different kid. From the moment we woke up this morning, it has been nothing but complete defiance and disrespect. We've had bad days many times before - but this has just been different. He is such a challenging child sometimes and it's days like today that I just feel like a complete and utter failure as a parent.

I have a horrible case of Mommy Guilt right now. I'm not proud of myself when I yell at Jackson. I try so hard to keep my cool with him, but today I just hit my breaking point. It was like I felt something snap inside of me and I screamed at him like I never have before. And it didn't just happen once, twice, or three times. I finally lost count by late afternoon. The worst part is even as it was happening, I knew it was the most deconstructive way of trying to get him to listen to me. It's a known fact that children absolutely do not listen when you yell. So why do we do it anyway? I think the answer is we yell not because they've lost control, but because we've lost control. I think we also yell when we're angry with ourselves, not just them. I've been so unbelievably upset with myself today and I definitely don't function well as a parent when I feel like that.

I'm trying to tell myself that tomorrow is a new day and I will do everything possible to make it different than today. In the end, I know it all starts with my actions and my responses to him.

Parenting is hard. So hard.

Making a promise to myself

I met up with a very dear friend for lunch yesterday afternoon. I hadn't seen her in over three years. Yet the moment we sat down and started talking, it felt like barely any time had passed since I had seen her last. We got to talking about our blogs and how difficult it is to make the time to actually write anymore. Having a couple kids running around on a daily basis makes it difficult to carve out writing time.

But I realized something as we were discussing it. I've always had such a hard time writing in my blog because I've always had that small part of me that was writing for other people, not myself. I always felt the need to be clever in my words and exciting in my stories. And you know what? Sometimes my life just isn't that exciting. Sometimes it is completely and unbearably monotonous. Such is the life of a stay at home mom I suppose.  But because of this, I never wanted to write in my blog because I was just too exhausted trying to come up with ideas before I even began.

So I'm making a promise to only myself - I will begin blogging again. I will stop putting so much thought into it and just write from my heart. Someday I will look back on this blog and it will bring me back to this wonderful time in our life. A time when our boys were young, energetic, fun, curious, frustrating, exciting, and silly.

I'm starting with once a week. I can do this.

Hello First Grade!

I suppose now that it's already the month of November, I can say that I am officially the proud mom of a first grader. I put that in bold because I will have to read that sentence about twenty times over before I can truly believe it. Yes, Jackson started the first grade on September 5th, 2012. The emotions I experienced were actually very unexpected. I went through the entire summer excited for him and getting everything prepared for him. It wasn't until we attended the open house the night before that everything suddenly hit me. My little boy is no longer my baby. He is truly a big kid. When did that happen? How did it happen so darn fast?

Needless to say, I was a complete and utter wreck the night before. I ended up calling my mom and sobbing on the phone for about thirty minutes. It had hit me that he was going to get on his very first school bus the next morning. That he was going to a school with hundreds of other kids in different grade levels. That he was a real part of the public school system now. Yikes. Was he ready for this? Would he be okay?

Thankfully my fears didn't rub off on my boy. He woke up the morning of school with the brightest smile on his face. He anticipated this new year with so much joy, it made my heart soar. We made sure his tummy was full with a healthy breakfast, got him dressed in his cool new clothes, and we walked down to the bus stop for the first time ever. As I watched him stand in line with the other kids, I just smiled to myself. We've had our struggles with him, that's definitely an understatement. But as I watched him, I realized something. We've done good. We're still doing good. He's such a great kid and I'm proud of myself and Eric as parents. Now to prepare myself for the time to be on warp speed - we have an elementary school student now.

 

 

Fall has come and gone.

Over the last couple years, I've noticed that I have a difficult time transitioning into a new season. This fall for instance. The leaves started to change colors, the air began feeling crisp and cool - yet my mind was still stuck in summer mode. By the time my brain finally adjusted to it being fall, Halloween was already over and snow was getting ready to fall. Now I'm having to switch into winter mode. I guess it's because it seems that time is going quicker each year. Is that part of getting older? Or is it that I'm so insanely busy with two boys that I don't even have a moment to notice the time that is passing?

We did have a really great fall though. We started out with an amazing photo shoot with our very talented brother-in-law. I was blown away by the shots he got, especially of our beautiful boys. I'm working on getting a wall arrangement up in our living room right now with a lot of those pictures! The boys and I did a couple fun baking sessions involving pumpkin. And finally, we did our annual trip to the pumpkin patch to pick out our pumpkins. That was such a wonderful day. The weather was impeccable. Jackson and Charlie had a blast running through the pumpkin patch, attempting to find their perfect pumpkins. Eric and I enjoyed standing back and soaking in that wonderful family time.

Pictures tell more than words!

A year gone by.

One. Whole. Year. I haven't updated this blog in an entire year. I just can't believe a year has actually passed. Time goes way too fast, doesn't it?

I'm back. I'm making a promise to myself to dedicate time to this blog for the simple reason of knowing many years down the road, I will cherish the memories that are documented here.

Now I must take a moment to figure out where I can even begin!

Kindergarten has arrived.

Yup, it's official - I am now the mom to a Kindergartner. Hold on just a minute. How is that even possible? Wasn't he just this little baby? Heck, wasn't he just a pre-schooler? I can't even begin to understand how this is happening. But you know what? It's an amazing feeling to watch your child line up at his classroom when the bell rings and slowly walk into the room. It's an amazing feeling to know that he's there for six hours and learning something new every day. It's an amazing feeling to see him run up to me at the end of the school day with the brightest smile on Earth.



I have a feeling this year is going to bring some drastic changes in my boy. I can't wait for every minute of it.

My little graduate

Okay, okay - I know I have been MIA for the past couple of months. I'm not sure what happens, but I seem to get so busy that I just don't have the motivation to sit down and write out a post. Funny, because how difficult could it possibly be to sit down with my laptop in the evening while watching TV and write something?!? I will try harder, I promise.

So the big news of the week - I officially have a kindergartner! Yes, Jackson has graduated from Pre-K. I still can't understand how it's even possible. What happened to my little baby boy? I watched him during the "ceremony" and couldn't get over how much he has grown up, especially over the past year. He is becoming such an amazing little man.

Kindergarten. Wow.

The Way You Look Tonight

Ever since Jackson was a little baby boy, we have always had a pretty steady bedtime routine. Go potty, brush his teeth, read a story, say prayers, and sing songs while getting a back scratch. For as long as I can remember, I have sung "Oh Mr. Sun" and "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." Recently I decided to change it up a little and sing some different songs. So now I sing "Jesus Loves Me" and "The Way You Look Tonight." Yep, I'm singing an old Fred Astaire song to my son every night! I actually remember singing it to him when he was a newborn and he was crying nonstop one day - the second I started singing that one song, he would instantly go quiet and look me in the eyes until I was done. It was amazing. So it's been fun to revisit that memory while singing it to him. And guess what? He loves it again. It's almost as if he remembers it.

Last night while singing to him, he did something that I'll never forget. He looked up at me and started singing along. He did all the sign language that he's learned at church for "Jesus Loves Me" - but the best part was when he actually started singing along with "The Way You Look Tonight." I almost started crying because it was beyond cute. Within that moment, I realized just how much he has grown up. No longer my little baby boy, but now my little man.

I need to remember to cherish our song time every single night. There will come a day when he will tell me he's too old to sing songs together and I know I will feel my heart break a little.

The amazing baked potato

When Eric and I went on one of our date nights a few weeks ago, we had a really great discussion about some of our favorite childhood memories. It was so difficult for me to choose just one since it seems there are thousands that run through my mind. Eric thought it was really funny when I shared the one I chose - my dad's baked potatoes. Yes, one of my favorite childhood memories is all about spuds.



I'm not sure what it is that makes me remember this so well. I just remember always thinking that my dad's baked potatoes were the best thing on the planet. It's probably because it's something that was quick and easy so it was made often (both of my parents worked very hard, so quick meals were essential). But I do find it amusing that it has actually become a childhood memory of mine.

Why am I blogging about my dad's baked potatoes? It's because I discovered a few nights ago that both of my children love baked potatoes. Absolutely love them. As I was preparing it for them, I started thinking about my dad and how much I enjoyed my childhood. I think the baked potatoes are just a symbol to me of how much he loved and nurtured me. He worked so hard in his career and was not home a lot of the time - but somehow, I don't even have memories of him not being there. I feel like he was always there, which just proves what an incredible father he was. There are so many people in the world who are not blessed with a good father. I was blessed with an amazing father.

Until the day I die, I will always think of him when I make such a simple dinner - a baked potato.

Zumba Addiction

I have a new addiction. One that I don't think I'll be able to shake. Well, technically that's not true - this addiction involves a ton of shaking!

ZUMBA!

Last week, I was feeling pretty down. I'm not sure what was going on, but I was having a difficult time motivating myself to get much done. I was definitely not feeling like myself, especially because I couldn't even motivate myself to get in my daily exercise. I had heard so many amazing things about Zumba - but to be honest, there is no way I will put myself in a group class. You are looking at the girl who has zero rhythm and would literally look like a monkey jumping around the room. No thank you!

I discovered that Zumba Fitness had released a game for the Wii that has gotten phenomenal reviews. I decided to rush out to the store and purchase it. I can honestly say that it has been my best purchase so far in 2011! I can't even begin to describe how much fun this is and such a fantastic workout. You don't even feel like you're exercising. I did the 45 minute Intermediate workout yesterday and literally felt like only ten minutes passed. It is wonderful.

The best part? Jackson does Zumba with me every single day. There is nothing more adorable than watching my five year old little man dancing along with me. Especially the belly dancing. Seriously, I need to pull out my video camera so I can always remember!

Back to school!

As our family is in the process of a lot of growth and change, I am also getting ready to take a huge leap for myself. Here I am - turning 30 years old at the end of this year and finally ready to go back to school and start my career. What kind of emotions am I feeling about this decision? Oh, I don't know.... excited, scared, hopeful, discouraged, etc. Just about every emotion that I can possibly experience. I mailed in my application last week and will be going in this morning to pay the fee for my placement test.

I'm planning on going to school to become a Diagnostic Medical Sonographer. I'm not sure when it hit me that this was what I wanted to do with my life. But when it did, there was no denying that I'm confident that this is what I want to do. Ultrasound technology has always fascinated me to some degree, but it wasn't until I had my babies and experienced many different ultrasounds that a light went on in my head. I could make a living doing this!

I'm not going to lie - I'm absolutely terrified. More than anything, I'm scared of failing. I was never the best student. However, I know I'm at a completely different place in my life now than I was when I was 19 and attempting college for the first time. I'm dedicated and determined to do the best I can.

Guess I better go dust off my Trapper Keeper and lunch box!

Back to school! Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool! I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don't get in a fight! Ohhhh, back to school! Back to school! Back to school! Well, here goes nothing!

Smile Sunday - Jackson

Our trip to the most Magical Place on Earth was full of a million different smiles. But there was one picture of my boy that absolutely melted my heart. We were walking through Epcot's World Showcase and he was watching the little trains in Germany. He looked up at me and gave me this smile - talk about lighting up the world!

Nurturing a delicate plant - Marriage.

Do you know what I have truly discovered over the last month or so? How important it is to nurture your marriage. I know, I know - seems like something I should have already known after six years, right?

This last year has been pretty rough for Eric and I. As weird as it sounds, I actually believe we hit that "moment" in your late twenties where you are finally finding yourself. Does that make sense? I feel like you spend your twenties trying to figure out who you are, and as you get ready to enter your thirties, you're ready to start experiencing life as the person you finally know is you. Call it self discovery or let's face it - growing up.

I have been taking the last month doing a lot of self exploration. Really focusing on myself as a wife, mother, woman, etc. I'm discovering the kind of person I want to be in all these different areas in my life. The two areas I'm focusing most on right now are my marriage and my children. Here's the crazy thing - I've discovered that if your marriage is taken care of first, your children receive the most positive results. After having my babies, I always had it placed in my mind that the kids come first, kids come first. Of course, in many instances they do. But the relationship between Mommy and Daddy affects everything. I can't believe it's taken me this long come to that realization. It's like a domino effect. Everything starts falling into place. A silly analogy but if you water the plant, the flowers will grow. Marriage is more than just love. It takes hard work, devotion, communication, trust, EFFORT.

I am discovering an even deeper love for Eric than I ever knew. It's like I'm falling in love with him for the first time all over again.

It's been awhile!

So really? I haven't updated this blog since Charlie's birthday in November? It's funny - I find myself constantly sitting down to start typing and always seem to hit a wall. I guess when you have so much going on, it's almost too much to write about! So I guess for now I'll just highlight a few things that have happened since my last appearance around here.

• We had a rough holiday season, but still managed to enjoy making it special for our boys.
• I rang in the year 2011 asleep by 9:00 PM - definitely felt old this year.
• We had an amazing two week vacation to Orlando in January. Jackson was blown away by the Disney magic.
• We celebrated Jackson's fifth birthday on February 20th. I still can't believe he's five - how did that happen?
• Charlie started walking in February. He's become such a little boy overnight.
  
• We were thrilled to find out that Eric's sister is pregnant and due in October! I am so excited to have another niece or nephew to love and spoil.
• Eric was offered a new job that will bring so much more stability into our lives. We are very much looking forward to this new journey.

I'm sure there is so much more, but my mind is drawing a blank. It feels like the last four months have flown by at warp speed. But at least I'm back, right?!?

Charlie's First Birthday

Dear Charlie,

On this day of Thanksgiving, I'm spending my time reflecting on the fact that you are one years old today. How is it possible that an entire year has already passed? I can literally still feel you rolling around in my tummy. I can still hear that precious newborn cry ringing in my ears. I remember the first moment I laid my eyes on you like it was yesterday. Our lives changed forever the second you were born.

You are the most amazing baby boy. You definitely made the transition into being a mommy of two children easy. Everywhere we go, people are commenting on how easy going you are. You are my favorite person to go grocery shopping with! Your smile is contagious and your laugh can be heard a mile away.

Watching you grow and learn over the last year has been nothing short of amazing. You started out as this little lump that I carried everywhere. Now you crawl around like a rocket, anxious to discover all the new things around you. You love to clap along with the Spongebob Squarepants theme song that your brother watches in the mornings. You blow raspberries constantly and send yourself into a giggle fit. You adore your big brother and light up the moment he enters the room. Recently your favorite activity is racing him around the house, crawling behind him as fast as you can. It's so fun to see your relationship developing with him more every day. I'm confident you will be very close with your brother, who loves you so much.

Thank you for bringing so much joy and happiness into my life. You filled a piece that was missing in our family and I cannot imagine life without you. I can't wait to see what adventures this next year brings, but if it's anything like this last year, it will be incredible.

I love you so much, precious boy of mine.

Love,
Mommy

Pumpkin Farm Fun

As you can tell by the fact that I haven't written in exactly one week, things have been pretty busy around here. The boys and myself made a last minute decision to take a trip over the mountains to visit my brother and his family over the weekend. Jackson absolutely adores his cousins, so he was psyched. The timing worked out perfectly since Eric came down with a nasty cold while we were gone, so at least he was able to get some peace and quiet to recover while we were gone. Unfortunately, I woke up this morning feeling awful. Thanks for sharing those germs with me, honey.

We had a fantastic trip. The boys did so well on the five hour drive - I was so proud of them. Jackson really got into his Leapster and Charlie slept most of the way. I also discovered that Jackson has a new found favorite band - Vampire Weekend. We must have listened to that album fifteen times throughout the drive. I'm not complaining!

On Sunday, we visited a wonderful pumpkin farm with the family. The kids got to do all sorts of fun activities: hay maze in a big barn, a huge play area, getting pulled behind a giant tractor in little buckets, and picking out pumpkins. Charlie was happy to ride in the stroller the majority of the time and Jackson was running around like crazy, unsure of what he wanted to do most. It was chaotic, but we had a blast. I had fun snapping a few pictures as the afternoon progressed.